TRUE CONFESSION: I’m a sucker for any story with a love triangle.
As of late, I came to the unflattering realization of why I liked these story lines so much. It isn’t the love in these stories that interests me, it’s the worship that fascinates me. It’s the fact that everyone seems to think the heroine is practically perfect in every way. It is the fact that the guys would do anything for the girl. It was the fact that she controls them, that their very existence revolves around her. My sinful pride latches on to the possibility that if a girl in a story can be worshipped, maybe it could happen to me. I’m loved by a great God and many wonderful people in my life. But that’s not enough- I want to be worshipped. I want to be God.
That is why pride is such a great sin. I am stealing God’s throne for my own delusional ass. It’s not simply rude, it’s utterly ridiculous. It’s treasonous. Even as I write this, I know I don’t fully realize how horrendous this sin is.
I think I so quickly fall into pride because I do not understand the enormity of God. I don’t have a healthy fear of him. I think of the Jesus from Sunday School who loves me and died for me. If he loved me enough to die for me, I must be worthy of the sacrifice, right? If God loves me, he will make my life work out the way that I desire and the way that benefits me most. He exists for my pleasure. I can control him. He only exists by what I choose to believe about him. I ignore the parts about him I don’t like and therefore, they aren’t real. He’s in my pocket.
But this god is not real. He’s a figment of my imagination. The real God, the God of the Bible does not work that way. The God of the Bible cannot be controlled and is not dependent on anything I do. He’s a living being that exists whether or not I believe in him or like him.
He loves me more than I can imagine, but that is because it’s His nature, not because I am so desirable. The love I receive is an effect of his nature, I am not the cause of it. I am not the center of the equation. He’s not a player in my story; I’m just a small, lucky piece of His.
It’s a paradigm shift I need to constantly fight to realize because it’s reality. A story with me at the center is a lie. A god I can control and who lives to please me doesn’t exist. It’s a shadow that I could chase my whole life and at the end realize it was all for nothing. A world doesn’t exist where I am queen of it no matter how hard I want to believe it.
The only real love I can have is from the real God. That means I have to accept God for who he is. When I stop reading into the scriptures what I want them to say, I begin to realize how beautiful the real God is. How powerful he is. How unpredictable and uncontrollable he is. How crazy loving he is. The real God is just that- God. He can be bigger than my limited experience and understanding.
Better yet, he’s real. He’s not a book character I read about and when the last page comes, he ceases to exist. He’s not a movie hero that when the credits roll, I’m left all alone. He’s the living breathing ETERNAL God. His story never ends. He never ceases to exist. And he for some strange reason chooses to spend that eternal story with us. Not because we’re great, but because he’s good. And that is beautiful.